


Drowning

by VeretianStarburst



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:21:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26197816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeretianStarburst/pseuds/VeretianStarburst
Summary: Laurent was in the middle of a panic attack when Auguste came home that night.
Relationships: Auguste & Laurent (Captive Prince)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> I've been an emotional mess lately, so here's an angsty fic. I put a lot of my own experiences with panic attacks into this.
> 
> Please be mindful of the tags before reading.

The first time it happened, Laurent was fourteen.

It was lunchtime at school, and he had rushed to the stall at the end of the bathroom.

The tears fell as soon as Laurent locked the door. He clamped a hand over his mouth in an attempt to silence his heavy breathing, which had been a huge mistake, because he found himself having even more difficulty breathing. But he didn’t want people to hear how broken he was.

_He used you._

Laurent’s other hand clutched the strap of his bag, his eyes closing. The tears didn’t stop. His fingernails dug into his cheek, no doubt leaving marks. He didn’t know how he was going to explain that, but at the moment, it didn’t matter.

Students were walking in and out of the bathroom, each one oblivious to the fact that Laurent was in there, standing alone and drowning in himself.

His uncle was the one in prison, but Laurent felt like the real prisoner.

[Six years later]

Laurent parked the car in the driveway. He sat back, his head falling against the headrest with his hands still on the steering wheel and idly tapping against it. He had spent the morning seeing his doctor for another prescription before heading to the chemist to pick up his anti-depressants. Now he needed to continue working on the first draft of his novel.

Grabbing the paper bag that the medication was in from the passenger seat, where Laurent had dumped it, he got out of the car. Auguste must have left for work while Laurent was out, because his car was gone. He wouldn’t be home until later at night.

Unlocking the door, Laurent entered the house. His laptop was still on the dining table, where he had left it the previous night. He dropped his keys and wallet beside it and went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Also something to eat, because recently he had been unintentionally skipping meals.

Laurent spent the next few hours working on his draft, taking small breaks here and there to stretch. The clock on the bottom right corner of the laptop screen read ten past eight, which meant Auguste would have already left work and be on his way home.

Closing the lid of the laptop, Laurent stood. He pushed the chair in, feeling satisfied with the amount of progress he had made on the draft.

And then, all of a sudden, that feeling shattered.

The tightness in his chest grew.

And grew.

And grew.

Hand gripping the wooden top rail of the chair, Laurent’s breathing started to quicken. He put all of his concentration on doing the breathing techniques that he had been taught so many years ago.

Except it wasn’t working.

Why wasn’t it working?

Brows furrowing, his hand gripped tighter. His fingers were already starting to ache from the pressure of it, but he couldn’t force himself to let go. Not even when he heard Auguste’s car. His breathing became rapid as he stood there, wondering why he couldn’t control it like previous times.

Laurent couldn’t trust his legs to move. His grip on the chair became impossibly tighter. He was shaking, frozen on the spot. The tears gathered in the corners of his eyes before slipping down his face. His eyes stung.

The front door unlocked, opened.

Unwanted thoughts were pushed, unbiddenly, to the forefront of his mind.

_He ruined you for everyone else. That’s why nobody will love you. You can keep pretending you’re fine, keep pretending you’re anything but broken. But you’ll be alone, forever._

_And ever._

_And ever._

_And ever._

A guttural cry escaped him, and he crouched down, both his hands now tangled in his hair. He barely registered Auguste’s resounding footsteps in the room. Auguste went down on one knee. Laurent’s arms, suddenly feeling numb, fell to his sides as he leaned forward slightly to rest on his knees.

“Focus on your breathing with me,” said Auguste, his voice clear and steady, doing the techniques with Laurent.

It took some effort, but Laurent managed to lift his hands enough to grab hold of Auguste’s once his breathing had settled. He rested his forehead on Auguste’s chest, his eyes closing as the tears continued.

“You’ll get through this. Keep breathing. I’m so proud of you.”

Laurent didn’t have the energy to respond, but that was okay. Auguste had seen Laurent go through this many times, and knew the best way to comfort him. Laurent let himself be held in his brother’s arms, neither of them caring that his tears were seeping into Auguste’s shirt.

_Auguste doesn’t actually care about you. He’s disgusted with both you and uncle. You only burden him. He only takes care of you because he pities you. That’s it. Nothing else. You could die, and he still would not care._

The worst part was Laurent _knew_ he didn’t believe any of those things, because when had Auguste ever not been there for him? Auguste had been the most supportive person in his life, had reassured Laurent time and time again that he could come to him for anything. And Auguste always kept his word.

It was as though his mind was purposely trying to find reasons to keep him constantly drowning, to keep him in that dark and insufferable place where not one minuscule of light could reach him.

But Laurent would resurface, every single time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading
> 
> You can find me over on [tumblr](https://veretianstarburst.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
